foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
of course. lets lasso hookers.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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