That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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