sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
