Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
