This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
