the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
