I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
