Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
