I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
