i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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