it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Terrible idea I love it
Floor bacon is actually really good
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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