Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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