why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
