How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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