My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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