For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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