Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
