I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize