so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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