You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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