I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
soo... how was my night?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
