So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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