I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
