I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize