If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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