He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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