A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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