herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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