Umm I'm too high to move.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just pee around me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
