don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
