They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
