This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
