just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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