I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
