One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Screwed.edu
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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