I wish I only lived at night.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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