As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
