I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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