Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
