She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
