She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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