she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
