is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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