Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
