you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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