:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
