I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
