why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
