Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
