My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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