so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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