I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
