No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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