Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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