Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
