I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
