I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
