You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
