Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
