you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
