is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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