i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
