I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
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This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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