Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize