I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
