I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
