Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
